A Note: this is perhaps the most vulnerable post I’ve
ever shared publicly. Thank you for being kind and supportive in your comments.
Life-changing.
Last month I was blessed to participate in The Haven
Retreat in Utah. My experience was: beautiful, emotional, joyful,
refreshing, difficult, powerful, a bit scary at times, fulfilling, somewhat
anxious, hopeful, and truly life-changing.
The Haven is a retreat for women over 18, who are
survivors of childhood sexual abuse.
It’s run by The Younique Foundation, and it is an
incredible experience! The retreat is 4 days long. They provide beautiful and
peaceful lodging, yummy and nutritious meals, sympathetic counselors,
thoughtful workshops, empowering exercise classes, beautiful art therapy,
supportive workbooks and journals, fun entertainment, helpful group therapy,
time for reflection, and a lovely makeover and photoshoot. The amazing part?
Everything at the Haven is provided FREE for survivors!
*Special Note: If you’re a survivor of childhood
sexual abuse, please click on the link below and see if it’s something that
might benefit you. You’re worth it.*
I heard about the Haven from a dear friend who encouraged
me to go. I was a bit apprehensive. How is something like this provided for
free?! What will the other ladies be like? Will people look at me differently
there? Can I overcome my anxiety enough to learn anything there? How much of a
difference can 4 days really make?
The answer to the last question: an amazingly big
difference; in fact, a life-changing difference. Many of the experiences
I had at Retreat are too personal for me to share. Too precious. Too hard to
put into words. But here are a few things that the Haven helped me with, my:
self-worth, confidence, belonging, self-care, strength, and knowledge.
Self-worth: Everyone treated me with respect and
kindness. They always referred to us as survivors. They helped me realize that
although I can’t change the past, I can change my future. They showed through
their attitude that I matter; that I’m important. They taught me that I am not
what happened to me. I am who I choose to be! I like who I am now and am
excited for the goals I’ve set that will help me become an even better person.
Confidence: I developed greater confidence in
myself. A phrase that stuck out to me was, “take up space!” I realized that
before Retreat, I instinctively curled into myself and tried to minimize the
amount of space I took up. It was a physical act that I did to protect myself
emotionally. At the Haven, I was reminded that I have many beautiful talents
and abilities that I can (and should!) use to make the world a better place. In
the month since Retreat, I’ve noticed that I stand up straighter. I’ve realized
that I’m worthy of taking up that space. I am here on Earth for a purpose and I
have confidence that I can heal and help others.
Belonging: I was very nervous to go to the Haven.
I have a hard time letting my guard down and trusting other people. I was with
23 other women from differing backgrounds and the first day was difficult for
me. After participating in classes and workshops with them, however, I
discovered that I was sitting among friends. We supported each other as we
worked toward a common goal: healing. I feel so blessed to be part of such an
amazing community of strong women! I’ve made life-long friends who continue to
support and encourage me.
Self-care: I learned how important it is to take
time for me. Before the Retreat, I felt very worn-down, tired, and depressed. I
loved being a Mom of 5 precious kiddos, but I wasn’t taking very good care of
myself, and it showed. At the Haven, I was reminded how important it is to take
care of myself. Not only physically, but mentally and spiritually as well. As
I’ve practiced self-care (spending time reflecting and meditating, setting
goals, and doing things I enjoy just for me), I’ve grown in many ways. I have
greater confidence. I’m kinder in my thoughts about myself. I’m more patient
with my children. I’m a more caring wife. I’m able to help others and be more
compassionate towards them. I feel more gratitude for my body and everything it
does for me. Even though I’m still very busy with my young family, I now have
enough energy to make it though the day (most times. Hehe), and I’m happier.
I’m truly enjoying life. And I’m proud to be setting a positive example for my
kiddos to follow.
Strength: At the Haven, we were served delicious
meals, participated in various exercise classes, and had classes that taught us
better sleep habits. They modeled good goals for us, and that has made a big
difference in my life. I realized that strengthening my body, mind, and spirit
aren’t impossible things, but rather, goals that I can achieve through
practicing good habits. Since the Retreat, I drink more water, am more
conscientious about my eating habits, have started attending a Tai Chi class,
am praying and reading my scriptures to help me grow spiritually, and am trying
to better my sleep habits (that’s a work in progress for me!) Because of these
changes, I feel stronger than I did before the Retreat.
Knowledge: I have always loved learning. At the
Haven, there are so many opportunities to learn new things! Even though it was
scary at first, I really enjoyed the classes, workshops, and the Group Therapy
sessions. I was initially wary of attending the Group sessions because of my
own insecurities, but they became some of my favorite learning opportunities.
The other ladies and our counselors were so supportive and open that I was able
to relax and allow myself to be vulnerable as I shared some of my experiences and
learned new ways to heal.
The Haven didn’t solve my problems and make everything
better for me. More importantly, it gave me tools so that I can change my own
life. It set me on an amazing path of healing.
Because of The Haven Retreat, I feel empowered. I
know that I am important. That the world needs me. That I can share the light
and joy I feel with others. I’ve been setting goals and working hard to achieve
them. I have a clearer vision of the person I’d like to become, and I’m working
toward that. I have a greater sense of purpose.
I’m still learning and growing. I’m imperfect, and
that’s ok. I can be patient with myself and with others. I’m looking
forward to making the world a better place through my unique gifts and talents.
And I’m excited to encourage my children, husband, family, and friends to build
up their talents and share them with others.
I’m very grateful that my family supported me,
that I pushed through my fears, and that I attended the Retreat. The
experiences I had there will help me for the rest of my life and longer.
A huge thank you to Derek and Shelaine Maxfield, for
starting The Younique Foundation, and providing the Haven Retreat. You are
incredible examples to me.
Thank you to my supportive husband who encouraged me to
attend the Retreat and took great care of our five children while I was away.
Thank you to my Mom and family for helping us out.
Thank you to everyone at The Haven Retreat who took care
of us and supported us in our healing journey.
Thank you to the sponsors of our week at the Retreat (the
Larry H. and Gail Miller Foundation).
Thank you to my fellow Haven ladies, who have become like
sisters to me.
Final Note: I debated whether or not I should share
this only with family and close friends, but decided that as difficult as it is
to make public, if it helps even one person feel courage, strength, or hope,
then it will have been worth it.
#thehavenretreat #tyf #nomore1in4 #reclaimhope
#defendinnocence #youmatter #empoweredwoman #gratitude #strength #vulnerability
#courage #love #metoo
